Dear brand, who asked you to put on your birthday suit?

You feel uncomfortable taking off your clothes? You don’t like to become a „naked brand“. You don’t wanna show your „problem areas“. We can imagine. Maybe you got something wrong. Maybe „you can leave your hat on“. Just kidding. Let’s clarify what this is all about.

What made you think, we wanna see you naked in public? Somebody told you we expect transparency? Transparency is the name of the game to stay attractive? And you interpreted transparency as „see-trough“, as not wearing a bra or panties anymore, as covering in translucent fabrics, as walking around almost naked? Hmh, I don’t think, that’s what we asked for. Actually, we are not really interested in transparency. It is not our primary objective to see you naked in public. I think, most of us prefer seeing you with some clothes on. So, what is it all about?

It’s about honesty. It’s about authenticity. It’s about reliability. We are fed up with marketing bullshit, we are fed up with empty promises. Claiming how great you are. How fantastic you would look standing right next to us. How our lives would be better with you. Doing some green-washing, organizing some posh charity events to make us think you care? Enstaging yourself during nice events? Inviting us to have a conversation, but you’re the only one that is talking? Being asked to „follow“ you, as we are promised fresh and thrilling news from incredible life? Darling, you’re not our first „love“. We know the tricks – and from time to time we even buy into it. Or, let’s put it that way: we know the game and we like to play. We’re all players, aren’t we? So, what’s the deal?

The issue we have with you and your behavior is: „Mantras are cheap. Meaning what you say is priceless. Don’t tell me you’re funny, tell me a joke. Your mission should stem from your convictions, not your copywriting department. Nobody cares what you say you do until you show that you do it. Do what you promised you would and everybody loves you.“ (Ajaz Ahmed/Stefan Olander: Velocity – Chapter: It’s Easier Done than Said – get it here or here)

In other words: we ask you to keep your promises. We ask you to be consistent – not in how you look, but in what you promise and what you do. We got the Web, we are connected. We are an army of lovers – guys that just have fallen in love with you, guys that still love you, and guys that feel kind of betrayed by you. We talk, we exchange our impressions and experiences. We give advice to each other, we warn each other. We make each other aware of your faults as well as your good sides. Unfair? Not part of the deal? No, we don’t see it that way. You try to seduce us everyday, you try to talk us into marrying you. We’re experienced enough to know that this might turn out pricey. We just like to be sure, to feel confident. Let’s call it „informed decision making“.

So, whenever you got a boob-job and emphasize „it’s all natural“, even when you put on your push-up bra, the extensions, too much make-up, or just a show – we will recognize it. It’s just fine, unless you pretend to be born that way. When we think, it’s just too much, when we don’t trust you anymore, we gonna strip you down – in public. No need to call us perverts or voyeurs. Just to remind you: Everyone of us will see you or has seen you kind of naked, although in a more private and intimate setting. It’s part of the deal to be allowed to have a look behind the curtain, to experience the content of the nice packaging.

It’s not that we really like to see you naked in public, it’s more a lesson in sincerity. It’s the moment, a lot of us are kind of done with you. It’s the yellow card or red flag we show you. It’s just something to make you see reason, to give you a wake-up call. You can dress and talk however you like, as long as it fits your personality and behavior. Putting on a real show, being a drama-queen, dirty tricks, more frills and furbelows than substance? You’d better be in shape, as you won’t be able to hide your „problem areas“.

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